Ok, so here we go, and this could have gone one of two ways: a) I could have been Captain Serious and write this blog in a very standard and scripted way where all references I make to anything have some kind of higher purpose, but guess what? I ain’t like that, so I went for option b) which is simply me being Devin, which I hope is what the few people that are reading this want. At times I may seem irreverent, not to God of course, but irreverent towards the institution of…well…yeah. I will try and be as humorous in my explanation of my daily events as I can, but I may lose my ability over time, because my surroundings and audience are obviously different. I will do my best.

First things first: Thank you to all the people that helped me to achieve all that I needed to get done, you are very appreciated.

I guess I could start this off with telling about all the stupid shit I had to do to make this thing happen.

My first day was interesting. My mom and I woke up at the butt crack of the butt crack of dawn, so that I could get to the airport for my 6 am flight. It was a Sunday morning, and 4 am was early for us, but obviously late for some, because we drove past a strip club that was still packed with cars. Hey, when you got to see naked ladies, you got to see naked ladies. Right? Right? Well, we got to the airport and my stomach was in knots from all the stress and nervousness of the last couple of weeks, so I found the nearest restroom and split the atom so to speak. I shit. After that I was able to spend some time with my mom, but I had to go, so we said our goodbyes and I went through security and eventually on to my airplane.

I had the last seat on the plane, which was good, because it was near the lavatory, and of course I had to pee like 600 times. I met a guy sitting next to me who was in the Marines and had been stationed in Okinawa for the last ten years. He was cool; gave me some advice, bought me lunch, kept me company for a little bit in the San Fran airport. The next few sentences may or may not have happened, we’ll see if you can weed through the BS and find the truth.

I arrived at the San Francisco airport. It was a very overcast day, and cold, not chilly, COLD! I lost a nipple. All I could think of was how the movie The Rock is bullshit if this is how the city is in May! You can’t have a car chase with ice on the road, and a dirty, smelly geriatric driving. What other movies have San Fran in them, because I’ll rip on them too. Ok, so I arrive, I get off the plane and am immediately greeted by an airport employee, who was very zealous about telling me to have a “niccccce day”. I noticed that he had what appeared to be a red feather on his shirt. I pointed it out to him and he squeeled ( literally) and proceeded to brush it off. He then walked towards the desk for the gate and he grabbed what looked like a red boa, which was ironic since I wore a red boa for a halloween outfit that some of you may remember. I thought ‘what the hell does he have that at work for?’, and that is when I noticed that he didn’t have a back to his pants, which is very ironic since that almost completes the costume that I had. All the rumors of San Fran are true. Oh, and they were playing a Queen compilation the whole time I was layed over. Mmm.

And I digress. I eventually got on the plane to Incheon, Korea. It has been fun thus far. Got to watch Underworld 3, which was luscious. I dropped my laptop on a guy and woke him up. I think he wants to grind my bones up and drink them. I had an in-flight meal, which I am sure was people, ground up homeless people from around the world. Oh my gosh, this is getting stupid. Look, there can’t be that many cows, but there sure are a lot of people. Or are there?